


An OFF Morning

by Circus4APsycho8



Category: OFF (Game)
Genre: AU, Crack, Random & Short, overused puns, this was for a criminal justice assignment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 04:26:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14488791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Circus4APsycho8/pseuds/Circus4APsycho8
Summary: The Batter has another typical run-in with the shopkeeper."OFF" by Mortis Ghost





	An OFF Morning

**Author's Note:**

> yeah idk

The baseball bat is resting on The Batter’s shoulders, his arms draped across it as he saunters through the city of Zone 1; his eyes are hidden beneath his baseball cap as he scans the Area for more Impurities to Purify. Alpha follows Batter as he continues his journey. The trek from Zone 0 had been strange and exhausting, but he knew he had a mission to do and little time to work with.

So he pressed on.

Oddly enough, The Batter hadn’t seen the enigmatic shopkeeper yet. His name was - what, something like Zacharie, right? – and he’d been expecting him to pop up somewhere. Maybe, for once, Batter had actually arrived before Zacharie, which he highly doubted. The man was strange, that much was obvious, but had his ways of getting around.

The Batter spots a group of tiny Elsen huddled around something on the sidewalk. Raising an eyebrow, The Batter walks up to the crowd, tapping an Elsen on the shoulder.

“What’s going on?” The Batter asks, tone deep and serious as he brings his baseball bat down to lean on.

“Hhhh..hh..uh…I’m…we’re not sure…you’ll, uh, have to see...hhhhhhhhhhhhh…for yourself,” the terrified Elsen replies, voice small and quite obviously frightened. Batter looks up, sweeping the crowd with his gaze.

Dedan is standing below a green building, screeching and flailing his arms up at something on the roof. The Elsen are huddled around the base as well, talking to each other, “hhhhhh”ing, and panicking. The Batter jogs a little closer to see if he can get a better view, gently pushing some of the poor Elsen out of the way.

Standing on top of the roof is none other than the shopkeeper himself, standing next to be what appeared to be a…

…a…mule…?

…The Batter knew better than to question Zacharie.

“I SWEAR TO THE STARS, GET DOWN HERE BEFORE I COME UP AND BEAT YOU UP MYSELF!” Dedan screeches.

“No! You will not take my precious mule away from me! Miaou,” Zacharie states, his toad mask still fastened over his face as he wraps his arm around the mule’s neck.

“ZACHARIE! YOU _KNOW_ IT’S _ILLEGAL_ TO WASH YOUR _MULE_ ON THE _SIDEWALK_! IT’S COMMON SENSE!” Dedan fires back, the Elsen now retreating back.

“Ah, _Buenos Dias, amigo!_ ” Zacharie yells when he spots The Batter watching from below. “Have you credits for my merchandise this fine morning?”

“Zacharie…” The Batter mutters, facepalming, genuinely wondering what he’s going to do. “I like you. Don’t give me a reason to Purify you.”

Why are humans so weird?


End file.
